who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Drunk is a universal language darling
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
