I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I can text with my tongue
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
