I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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