She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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