Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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