Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
