her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
