Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
