Will you blow on my dice?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
