I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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