At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
