Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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