i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
