Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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