Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
