I'm fucking your sister right now.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?