I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router