Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
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He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I can feel your judgement through the phone