I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
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Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
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I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.