I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.