I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.