It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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