If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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