We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
