We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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