I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
