i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
