How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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