Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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