I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
