dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
