I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
