After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
