i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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