Don't you send me to vm
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
