your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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