did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
