You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
