i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
