we were pretty classy up until the second keg
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
