Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
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Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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