I hate your face
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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