we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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