I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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