you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
