You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
BRING THE BAGELS
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
