I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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