Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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