she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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