nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize
