the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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