He asked to "fluff my boner.."
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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