like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
