so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
