I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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