I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Bring me that man meat
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
