you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
