I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Randomize
