I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
