He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
