I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
