just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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