It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Screwed.edu
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
