Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
