i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
