is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
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I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
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WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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